It made me laugh. A guy wrote it, but it seemed to me as if it was a woman's list about what she wants in her "Mr. Right".
And her expectations are waaay too many. And they're unrealistic.
Forgive me for being a pessimist, but a guy will never admit he's wrong.
Nor will he not point out that he washed the dishes.
Hey, maybe the batch of guys that I got in my life are defective. I'll admit to that. I shouldn't make generalizations.
But that's what I think.
The article:
dating.personals.yahoo.com/singles/datin
Side note...
This part bothered me a bit: "This is the state policeman. This is the poet. Men, both of them."
Uhhh, maybe it's a subconscious need to find anti-feminism undertones in everything, but why do I get the feeling this implies that a woman can't be a poet? Or a state policeman.
Edit: Wow, I am a very cynical person.
1)
2)
*turns out I'll be doing this while on vacation. Fun!
4)
5)
6)
7)
8)
9)
10)
11) Mail Meg's letter
*just decided that my handwriting is too sloppy. I shall have to rewrite the letter when I get back.
12)
13)
14)
15) Import music onto iPod.
16)
17)
18) Talk to Dad about Taylor Swift tickets
*I suppose this can wait until we get back
My God, I can't do this. I think I won't sleep tonight; it'll give me more time. I meant to pull an all-nighter yesterday but I was exhausted.
- Location:my room
- Mood:
stressed - Music:Saving Jane
It's like the world shrinks, is warped
Stupid, sometimes awful, things
things that wouldn't make sense in the real world--
things that you'd think no one would dare say,
they become fully possible and completely normal
You may think I'm trapped in this small world
And maybe I am
But why doesn't it feel that way?
I'm used to it, don't fight it anymore
You don't think I do, anyway
But in this small world,
any little thing--
saying no, rolling your eyes, keeping quiet--
the slightest hint of resistance
shakes things up
In this messed-up world,
where things are not always explained,
where we shut our ears an avert our eyes . . .
in this small world, I am a rebel
I am a horrible daughter
A mean sister
an outcast, abnormal
A puzzle with missing pieces
things they lost
and now won't get back
In this confusing world,
I am an awful human being
I'm the opposite of what you know
What you couldn't possibly imagine
In that shrunken world
What makes sense to you doesn't make sense to them
What makes sense now won't make sense then
In this twisted world,
my defenses go away
I trip, drown
my confidence and knowledge
replaced with insecurity and naivete
my gifts nonexistent
my innocence, stained
I am small, still a child
yet I have strayed
in so many ways
What you see before you
it's not what they see
in that warped reality
it's what I fail to show
And the sad thing is
I don't know which is true
But I know what I feel
I know what I am,
somewhere inside
And I need that to be enough
I need you to understand
- Location:inside
- Mood:
discontent - Music:The Killers
I'm not awake cuz the alarm went off today. Or because I have some weird inner alarm clock that keeps me programmed to wake up at the same time every morning.
Someone didn't wake me up, either.
I didn't sleep AT ALL today. Ugh.
That's right, my friends! The all-nighters are back and will continue this winter break. As you know, Celeste here is an insomniac and always has been. She goes to sleep at 1 am on schoolnights and 3 am on weekends. But as you also know, trouble going to sleep only gets worse over breaks and so Celeste spends much of her vacations simply wasting time.
I've left one of the longest monologues ever on chatzy. It's ongoing. Meaning it won't stop until someone comes in and interrupts. Which probably won't happen for at least six more hours. Since the AGATB imdb boards die at night, I ventured into the Twilight imdb boards, which I only visit to entertain myself. I responded to all the non-disturbing off topic threads there. I had a couple of short conversations. But eventually, at around 4:30 am, they died as well.
I finished reading An Abundance of Katherines by John Green.
Now my options are:
--watch a movie
--watch Veronica Mars, I Love Lucy, Gilmore Girls, or Charmed
--read
--write
--read over what I've written (this is most likely)
--watch TV
--lie in the dark listening to my iPod (this is also likely)
--catch up on the LJ comments and TONS of pointless emails I keep putting off
--make another post on LJ
And so, those of you who read my entries a few months ago, towards the end of September and beginning of October, will remember that I'd post about three entries a day. I think that habit will be revived today.
- Location:my room
- Mood:awake
- Music:Taylor Swift
Pick 10 people and give them the "you make my day" award in no particular order. If you're picked, you are charged with picking 10 of your own (unless you've already done it).
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
Love you, Fabi. You're seriously one of my best friends.
8.
9.
10.
And, actually, I love everyone on my friends list. Especially because no one has deleted me, despite the fact that I haven't updated too much recently. You're all great! Lots of love.
- Location:the hall
- Mood:
loved - Music:Taylor Swift
This week was a very crappy week. I overslept every single day, had TONS of homework, and got into arguments with a lot of people, most notably a girl in my Spanish class who likes to cause drama.
Monday was an easy day, if I remember correctly. The only thing that sticks out in my mind is seeing that one guy who scared me on Halloween. We were switching seats in the class, and my new seat was his old seat. As he got up to move, I had to pass by him. He went, "So. Fun Halloween." And then he winked at me.
I hate being winked at. I never know how I'm supposed to react. But I just smiled a haha-yeah-hilarious kind of smile and moved on. Haven't talked to him since. He can be a nice guy, though. He just likes to tease and use Spanish swear words, even though he hasn't got the slightest idea about what they mean.
Tuesday was an okay day. I found out about Obama's win on chatzy. Which is SO not how I wanted to hear the great news. But oh well. I'm still happy. I was never a real McCain hater, but I just didn't like him. I feel kind of bad, though, cuz there's some serious pressure on Obama. Who knows what will happen.
But I feel really excited cuz I'm living through history.
It also occurred to me while my parents voted, that I'll be voting alongside them at the next election. It's a scary thought. This was the last time I got to slack off and not listen to the politics and stuff. In 2012, I'll have to take an active part and truly have an opinion.
( Spanish and other stuff )
- Location:my room
- Mood:
crappy - Music:Supersonic
So the school portion of Halloween sucked. I had to read aloud in history, and I'm horrible at that sort of thing. I'm not very shy anymore, but it always comes back in front of crowds and in front of teachers. My heart started pounding horribly fast, and I'm sure my voice came out small and gaspy, cuz I was having trouble breathing. Not only that, but old insecurities come rushing back. I have an pretty good vocabulary when writing, and I know what words mean and everything. But I don't know how to pronounce them a lot of the time. I learned to speak English by ear. I never learned the rules for sounds and pronunciation and all. So I always get scared I'll mess up a word.
But that wasn't so much my problem on Friday. My problem was that the reading was a whole bunch of lists connected by semicolons and transitional phrases. And there was NO indentation. In my state of panic, that confused me and I skipped a couple of lines. No one pointed it out or anything, but it was still embarrassing.
I usually don't get picked on in that class. Cronin thinks I'm the average quiet girl, so he barely talks to me. But I got into a debate about Twilight that day, and he heard me yelling out that Edward just should've died. Then he went and called me a horrible human being. It was funny and he doesn't mean it, but it made him aware of the fact that I exist. Which is bad.
English was fine, I guess. But Spanish . . . ugh. The class is full of Socials, and their favorite thing to do, of course, is socialize.
So why would the teacher put us in groups? I mean, seriously. You know your class is full of talkers, so why give them more opportunity to talk?
She forced me into a group with a talkative, annoying girl; an arrogant guy; and another not-so-bright girl. They wouldn't shut up. The guy took out his iPhone and used it as a mirror to fix his hair. It took them forever to copy down a few vocabulary words. And then the guy asked me how to say Halloween in Spanish. Is it Dia de Brujas? I replied that I didn't know (or care), and could we please just get our work done?
Later, while reviewing, Vivian (the annoying one) asked the teacher, in front of everyone. She replied that it was called Dia de Brujas.
And Vivian freaking throws a party!!! Because Prado was right and I was wrong. She started chanting his name over and over again to celebrate his greatness. Some joined in and others sat there, probably feeling sorry for me cuz I had to sit there for two whole minutes while I was made fun of. Then Vivian announced to the whole class that Prado and I had been arguing about it.
I pounced on that. Cuz it was a complete lie. But I was ignored, of course. Then Prado told Vivian to shut up because I'm turning red.
Argh. Yeah, thanks a lot, Prado! Because mentioning the fact that I'm blushing is gonna help that particular problem SO much.
( lalala )
- Location:living room
- Mood:
complacent - Music:Kina Grannis
But then my father gets home and it's all stomping, slamming doors, shouting orders.
I just can't stand it. He walks around like I imagine King Henry VIII did, only without the big clothes to make him look more impressive.
And so they get here loaded with groceries, and my mom presents us with a carton of ice cream. My sister and I jump with joy. But in the time it takes us to get a bowl and a spoon, my dad's opened it and is eating straight from the carton.
He always does that. For as long as I can remember, my father's been incapable of getting a frickin bowl. And he hogs it. We practically stand in line, waiting for him to give us some. When he does, it's slowly and sparingly, with the same spoon he licks.
I find it utterly disgusting. So I use my own spoon and I get myself some ice cream. He stands there, silently irritated. I pretend not to notice.
Except that my aunt and cousins are here. My dad offers my aunt ice cream, but he's got an annoyingly booming voice, so it feels like he's shouting in my ear. I make a small noise of annoyance, which he ignores. My mother tells us to give my aunt some.
I hate it when we're treated like mini-servants. I know that my parents really don't ask much from me when it comes to chores and all that. But when they order me around like that, it feels like they do.
But my dad does the job for me, using THE SPOON HE LICKS.
And seriously, he doesn't just lick it. He does that whole thing when he puts it in his mouth, then drags it out slowly, then turns it around and licks the back and everything. He really enjoys it.
I tell him about the spoon thing, quietly, but he can't believe that I'd be so disrespectful as to point this out, so he goes, "What?"
And I say, "Never mind."
"That girl is in a bad mood today. If I have to slap her, you'll know why," he tells my mother.
I stomp upstairs and sulk because I hate being talked about as if I'm not in my room, and I hate my father and his arrogance/male need to dominate the situation. And his complete disregard for hygiene.
Honestly, my aunt probably doesn't care about the spoon. But I mean, it's one thing to give your kid your germs; completely another to give them to someone you're not related to.
We've complained to my mom about this, my sister and I. But she says that it's my grandmother's fault for not instilling a sense of politeness and good manners in him, and she can't change him now.
I hate that she blames it all on my grandma, and that she doesn't even bother to try. When does she speaks up, it's feeble and she shuts up as soon as my dad makes one "I don't care. If they want ice cream they'll have to deal with it" comment.
- Location:my room
- Mood:
aggravated - Music:No Doubt
I can do that with a few people I know, but we each have our issues and I can't talk to them about everything. We're all just too self-centered and steer the conversation back to ourselves without comment on the other's rant.
It's nights like these, on the weekend, late, once everyone's asleep and I'm on my own, that the feeling of abandonment really kicks in.
Well, it's more of a loneliness, cuz I never had anyone to abandon me in the first place.
But I don't know why these feelings have suddenly come on, cuz it's always been this way.
I don't like it, though. I don't like feeling like I'm just drowning in alone-ness. I hate feeling so completely and utterly by myself.
Seriously, I need to get back to writing. And reading. I think that's what was keeping me company before. But what with all this schoolwork and the sudden making-of-an-imdb account, it's all changed.
Now I'm reminded more than ever of why I've made reading my life. It's because book characters never leave or turn on you. And I've made the characters in my stories my constant companions because they're mine and they'll never turn away either. They're solely my creation and no one else can get to them and take them from me.
Words and stories are one of the few constants in my life, if not the only ones. And I won't let myself lose them.
So I think I'll be taking a break from imdb and chatzy. I know what it's like now, which is the only thing I ever really wanted. I'll probably even update LJ more often because I won't be busy doing that stuff. Who knows. Maybe I'll quit my virtual life altogether and just immerse myself in books and writing.
But that will probably take a while, so until then you'll be hearing from me.
Also, I just recently rediscovered this song I'm listening to. Stand in the Rain by Superchick. It got me through eighth grade, and I'd forgotten I had it on my iPod. If someone hasn't heard it, you need to. It makes me cry sometimes.
I hate all this silence. It makes my thoughts grow stronger and louder because I need something to create noise, even if it's just in my head.
I sound completely insane. Maybe I've gone mad.
- Mood:
depressed - Music:Stand in the Rain--Superchick
I'm seriously shaking with anger.
I called him an asshole but imdb beeped it out. Damn.
Some of you Shebams might know what I'm talking about.
EDIT: Argh! He looked at my LJ! Can you say CREEPY????
Thank God I have it on Friends-only. But he looked at my profile, and possibly pics.
I'm kinda feeling ashamed for posting my LJ on my imdb profile. They always say to be careful what information you give out online.
If anyone's wondering, this conversation didn't happen on the imdb boards, but it was AGATB-related.
I'm just annoyed now.
EDIT #2: Now I dread having to go and delete my pics, cuz I'll cringe at the thought of some stranger seeing my stupid-looking pics. Argh. I hate this guy, whoever he is. Probably some pedophile.
EDIT #3: So he apparently didn't see my pics, but found them on the WHO DO YOU LOOK LIKE thread.
Stupid me. I curse myself.
I wonder what impression I give off to people.
We're kinda talking about nonsense now. I refuse to give in, though.
But he says I'm still on cuz we're both stubborn and I'm procrastinating from doing homework.
SO NOT TRUE. Except for the stubborness part. I'll admit to that.
I'm holding a grudge about this forever. Even if I never talk to him again.
I also deleted the thread, cuz I don't want the shebams to see the ridiculous fight we had, which just kept going around in circles. It'd be embarrassing.
Quote of the Day: "We would worry less about what others think of us if we realized how seldom they do." --Ethel Barrett
Up until last Wednesday, I'd been having a really good school year. My grades were fine, I'd made great friends, and nothing extraordinarily embarrassing had happened. Well, except for the time one of my friends stole my homework and I had to chase her to get it back. That led to me slipping on mud and falling. Right in front of the senior lawn.
Yeah, I didn't really talk to that particular "friend" much this year. But anyway.
My criteria for a good year is basically the following:
1) academic achievements (or, lack of academic failure)
2) new friends (or just keeping old ones and getting rid of the ones I hate)
3) and embarrassing moments. This last one always ruins everything. I'm a very awkward, klutzy person. And since I'm kinda shy, every little thing seems 100 times worse to me than it would to the average teenager.
So, getting on with my story. I was in Spanish, sixth period, last Wednesday. And, of course, Ms. Ochoa, my disorganized and lazy teacher, was making my side of the room write all the answers from our conjugating verbs assignment on the board.
But let me just mention one thing: this is Spanish for Spanish Speakers 3-4. People in that class speak Spanish. For most, like me, it's our first language. However, most, also like me, speak English better than Spanish, despite the fact that it's our second language. But still. It's one of the easiest classes ever. The teacher gives us, like, an hour to do an assignment that I usually get done in ten minutes. I kid you not. Except that everybody in that class knows each other and has their own little group, so they talk a lot. So they never get anything done. In that whole hour. Except me.
I'm not a social. (I don't like labeling people as a general rule, but for the purpose of explanations, I'll use them once or twice). I'm not like them. I don't give much more than a care about brands, I prefer to be alone, I actually do my work, I don't text during class, and I don't go out on weekends, party, and get drunk/high, as they say they do. (They say that, but I only half believe it. Some of them probably do it, but others I know just wanna sound tough).
Although I will say this for them: if you have enough time to get to know them, and you take it (or if you have no choice because you sat right next to them the whole year), they're not horrible people. Kinda clueless and very enclosed in their high-school worlds, but they're not all mean. They all have a conscience. And despite their laziness, they want good grades. My school isn't the kind that scoffs at the nerds that get all A's. They scoff at nerdiness, but not at the grades.
But I don't want to get too detailed in my explanation about my school's social dynamics. This is the story about my embarrassing moment #1 this year. (Well, number two if you consider the fall in front of the senior lawn. But that was waaaay at the beginning of the year.)
- Location:home
- Mood:
embarrassed - Music:Saving Jane
