I found a very interesting article tonight about what a man is.
It made me laugh. A guy wrote it, but it seemed to me as if it was a woman's list about what she wants in her "Mr. Right".
And her expectations are waaay too many. And they're unrealistic.
Forgive me for being a pessimist, but a guy will never admit he's wrong.
Nor will he not point out that he washed the dishes.
Hey, maybe the batch of guys that I got in my life are defective. I'll admit to that. I shouldn't make generalizations.
But that's what I think.

The article:
dating.personals.yahoo.com/singles/datingtips/88036/dating-question-what-is-a-man;_ylc=X3oDMTJzcGtuY3U2BF9TAzI3MTYxNDkEX3MDMjE0MjE2ODk4MARrA3doYXQgaXMgbWFuBHNlYwNmcF9wdWxzZQRzbGsDZGF0aW5nLXF1ZXN0aW9uLXdoYXQtaXMtYS1tYW4EenoDYWJj

Side note...
This part bothered me a bit: "This is the state policeman. This is the poet. Men, both of them."
Uhhh, maybe it's a subconscious need to find anti-feminism undertones in everything, but why do I get the feeling this implies that a woman can't be a poet? Or a state policeman.

Edit: Wow, I am a very cynical person.

In the next thirty hours, I have to:
1) Do the longest study guide EVER! Damn AP World History. I'm such an idiot for taking that class.
2) Highlight/question/summarize notes.
3) Research and type up the cereal box project, which I have not even started.
*turns out I'll be doing this while on vacation. Fun!
4) Clean my room because it's the messiest it's ever been and I've started to avoid going in.
5) Do laundry because ever since my tantrum, my mom refuses to wash clothes for me. Which is usually fine. A learning experience, if you will. I've learned that I have enough shirts, jeans, underwear to go for about a week and a half without having to re-wear anything.
6) Accompany my mother to the library because she needs my school ID to check out a couple of books
7) PACK.
*I'm so proud of myself. I got everything to fit in my small suitcase.
8) Take a picture for Alex's bday video
9) email Grace about Alex's bday video
10) Shower
11) Mail Meg's letter
*just decided that my handwriting is too sloppy. I shall have to rewrite the letter when I get back.
12) Eat a tamal my mother left for me, which doesn't look very appetizing.
13) Upload (and organize) pics onto Ethel so that my camera is nice and empty on the trip.
14) Wash my shoes.
15) Import music onto iPod.
16) Find PE shirt. Shit shit shit. (Oops, turns out it was in the laundry.)
17) email Paige about AP test
18) Talk to Dad about Taylor Swift tickets
*I suppose this can wait until we get back

My God, I can't do this. I think I won't sleep tonight; it'll give me more time. I meant to pull an all-nighter yesterday but I was exhausted.

It's 6:01 in the morning. I'm usually just waking up for school at this time.
I'm not awake cuz the alarm went off today. Or because I have some weird inner alarm clock that keeps me programmed to wake up at the same time every morning.
Someone didn't wake me up, either.
I didn't sleep AT ALL today. Ugh.

That's right, my friends! The all-nighters are back and will continue this winter break. As you know, Celeste here is an insomniac and always has been. She goes to sleep at 1 am on schoolnights and 3 am on weekends. But as you also know, trouble going to sleep only gets worse over breaks and so Celeste spends much of her vacations simply wasting time.

I've left one of the longest monologues ever on chatzy. It's ongoing. Meaning it won't stop until someone comes in and interrupts. Which probably won't happen for at least six more hours. Since the AGATB imdb boards die at night, I ventured into the Twilight imdb boards, which I only visit to entertain myself. I responded to all the non-disturbing off topic threads there. I had a couple of short conversations. But eventually, at around 4:30 am, they died as well.
I finished reading An Abundance of Katherines by John Green.

Now my options are:
--watch a movie
--watch Veronica Mars, I Love Lucy, Gilmore Girls, or Charmed
--read
--write
--read over what I've written (this is most likely)
--watch TV
--lie in the dark listening to my iPod (this is also likely)
--catch up on the LJ comments and TONS of pointless emails I keep putting off
--make another post on LJ

And so, those of you who read my entries a few months ago, towards the end of September and beginning of October, will remember that I'd post about three entries a day. I think that habit will be revived today.

Taken from thistapedheart 

Pick 10 people and give them the "you make my day" award in no particular order. If you're picked, you are charged with picking 10 of your own (unless you've already done it).

1. thistapedheart Because she put me on her list and that made me feel special. Because she entertains me with stories about her football friend. Because she comments. And because, after reading one of my most depressed entries, she made an extra effort to reach me. And she offered me someone to talk to. Thanks so much.

2. crabbygabby313  Because she has an awesome sense of humor. Because her YouTube videos are genius. Because she lets me be her LJ BFF. Because she's got great taste in music and we've got similar obsessions. And because she's got amazing hair and looks a lot like Gemma.

3. minuetteina Because she's got beautiful icons. Because she comments. Because she's super nice. And because her name is very interesting and always makes me stop, stare, and try to pronounce it aloud.

4. petitepoet Because she posts very often. Because her entries are honest. Because a lot of the time, they make me think about my own life. Because she introduced me to Taylor Swift and Ani Difranco's music. Because she once told me that I make sense, and because I don't think she realizes how much that meant to me.

5. baphnexx Because, like Addie said, her posts make me go, "Oh!!! I know that song!" And because I google them if i don't. Because she's honest. Because today she left a comment that made me feel good.

6. golightlyy Because she told me the truth when no one else did. Because she gave me a reality update when I desperately, desperately needed one. I dont think I ever thanked her for that.

7. fabiola_maria Because I can talk to her and she listens. Because she stays up super late talking to me and lets me ramble on and on forever (she doesn't have to, though, I hope she realizes that). Because she understands me. Because she makes me feel loved. Because she accepted me even before I got to the boards. Because she can hold her own in an argument (unlike me). Because I can talk to her in Spanish.
Love you, Fabi. You're seriously one of my best friends.

8. fairy_glamour Because she's so nice. Because she comments. Because she's got beautiful icons. And because those pixel thingies, of which she has so many, make me smile.

9. somanylocks Because she likes AGATB. Because she's got great icons. And even though she'll be gone for a while, I hope she reads this sometime in the near future and sees this: I think she's one of the strongest people I've ever met, both virtually and in real life.

10. landlocked Because she writes beautifully. Because she manages to make everything sound poetic. Because she finds beauty in the mundane. Because she's so nice. Because she makes awesome mixes, which I always listen to, though I don't think I've mentioned that to her. Because I can never not read her entries.

And, actually, I love everyone on my friends list. Especially because no one has deleted me, despite the fact that I haven't updated too much recently. You're all great! Lots of love.

I haven't posted in FOREVER. Lately, my words haven't been coming out right. My sentences sound awkward and thrown-together. And boring. I haven't been commenting on that many entries either. I'm terribly sorry. I have read them all, though. I promise to start commenting again.

This week was a very crappy week. I overslept every single day, had TONS of homework, and got into arguments with a lot of people, most notably a girl in my Spanish class who likes to cause drama.

Monday was an easy day, if I remember correctly. The only thing that sticks out in my mind is seeing that one guy who scared me on Halloween. We were switching seats in the class, and my new seat was his old seat. As he got up to move, I had to pass by him. He went, "So. Fun Halloween." And then he winked at me.
I hate being winked at. I never know how I'm supposed to react. But I just smiled a haha-yeah-hilarious kind of smile and moved on. Haven't talked to him since. He can be a nice guy, though. He just likes to tease and use Spanish swear words, even though he hasn't got the slightest idea about what they mean.
Tuesday was an okay day. I found out about Obama's win on chatzy. Which is SO not how I wanted to hear the great news. But oh well. I'm still happy. I was never a real McCain hater, but I just didn't like him. I feel kind of bad, though, cuz there's some serious pressure on Obama. Who knows what will happen.
But I feel really excited cuz I'm living through history.
It also occurred to me while my parents voted, that I'll be voting alongside them at the next election. It's a scary thought. This was the last time I got to slack off and not listen to the politics and stuff. In 2012, I'll have to take an active part and truly have an opinion.

( Spanish and other stuff )

I haven't posted in a while. Nor have I been commenting on people's journals. I apologize. I'm gonna do my best to catch up today and tomorrow, though today is more of a posting day.

So the school portion of Halloween sucked. I had to read aloud in history, and I'm horrible at that sort of thing. I'm not very shy anymore, but it always comes back in front of crowds and in front of teachers. My heart started pounding horribly fast, and I'm sure my voice came out small and gaspy, cuz I was having trouble breathing. Not only that, but old insecurities come rushing back. I have an pretty good vocabulary when writing, and I know what words mean and everything. But I don't know how to pronounce them a lot of the time. I learned to speak English by ear. I never learned the rules for sounds and pronunciation and all. So I always get scared I'll mess up a word.
But that wasn't so much my problem on Friday. My problem was that the reading was a whole bunch of lists connected by semicolons and transitional phrases. And there was NO indentation. In my state of panic, that confused me and I skipped a couple of lines. No one pointed it out or anything, but it was still embarrassing.
I usually don't get picked on in that class. Cronin thinks I'm the average quiet girl, so he barely talks to me. But I got into a debate about Twilight that day, and he heard me yelling out that Edward just should've died. Then he went and called me a horrible human being. It was funny and he doesn't mean it, but it made him aware of the fact that I exist. Which is bad.

English was fine, I guess. But Spanish . . . ugh. The class is full of Socials, and their favorite thing to do, of course, is socialize.
So why would the teacher put us in groups? I mean, seriously. You know your class is full of talkers, so why give them more opportunity to talk?
She forced me into a group with a talkative, annoying girl; an arrogant guy; and another not-so-bright girl. They wouldn't shut up. The guy took out his iPhone and used it as a mirror to fix his hair. It took them forever to copy down a few vocabulary words. And then the guy asked me how to say Halloween in Spanish. Is it Dia de Brujas? I replied that I didn't know (or care), and could we please just get our work done?
Later, while reviewing, Vivian (the annoying one) asked the teacher, in front of everyone. She replied that it was called Dia de Brujas.
And Vivian freaking throws a party!!! Because Prado was right and I was wrong. She started chanting his name over and over again to celebrate his greatness. Some joined in and others sat there, probably feeling sorry for me cuz I had to sit there for two whole minutes while I was made fun of. Then Vivian announced to the whole class that Prado and I had been arguing about it.
I pounced on that. Cuz it was a complete lie. But I was ignored, of course. Then Prado told Vivian to shut up because I'm turning red.
Argh. Yeah, thanks a lot, Prado! Because mentioning the fact that I'm blushing is gonna help that particular problem SO much.

( lalala )

I hate it when my parents get home, more specifically my father. Everything is quiet and peaceful when it's just me and my sister, cuz we're each in our rooms, watching TV or whatever.
But then my father gets home and it's all stomping, slamming doors, shouting orders.
I just can't stand it. He walks around like I imagine King Henry VIII did, only without the big clothes to make him look more impressive.
And so they get here loaded with groceries, and my mom presents us with a carton of ice cream. My sister and I jump with joy. But in the time it takes us to get a bowl and a spoon, my dad's opened it and is eating straight from the carton.
He always does that. For as long as I can remember, my father's been incapable of getting a frickin bowl. And he hogs it. We practically stand in line, waiting for him to give us some. When he does, it's slowly and sparingly, with the same spoon he licks.
I find it utterly disgusting. So I use my own spoon and I get myself some ice cream. He stands there, silently irritated. I pretend not to notice.
Except that my aunt and cousins are here. My dad offers my aunt ice cream, but he's got an annoyingly booming voice, so it feels like he's shouting in my ear. I make a small noise of annoyance, which he ignores. My mother tells us to give my aunt some.
I hate it when we're treated like mini-servants. I know that my parents really don't ask much from me when it comes to chores and all that. But when they order me around like that, it feels like they do.
But my dad does the job for me, using THE SPOON HE LICKS.
And seriously, he doesn't just lick it. He does that whole thing when he puts it in his mouth, then drags it out slowly, then turns it around and licks the back and everything. He really enjoys it.
I tell him about the spoon thing, quietly, but he can't believe that I'd be so disrespectful as to point this out, so he goes, "What?"
And I say, "Never mind."
"That girl is in a bad mood today. If I have to slap her, you'll know why," he tells my mother.
I stomp upstairs and sulk because I hate being talked about as if I'm not in my room, and I hate my father and his arrogance/male need to dominate the situation. And his complete disregard for hygiene.
Honestly, my aunt probably doesn't care about the spoon. But I mean, it's one thing to give your kid your germs; completely another to give them to someone you're not related to.
We've complained to my mom about this, my sister and I. But she says that it's my grandmother's fault for not instilling a sense of politeness and good manners in him, and she can't change him now.
I hate that she blames it all on my grandma, and that she doesn't even bother to try. When does she speaks up, it's feeble and she shuts up as soon as my dad makes one "I don't care. If they want ice cream they'll have to deal with it" comment.

I need to get friends. Real friends I can relate to and talk to about anything. Friends that don't just shut off after-school. Or ones I can email about stuff that doesn't have to do with homework.
I can do that with a few people I know, but we each have our issues and I can't talk to them about everything. We're all just too self-centered and steer the conversation back to ourselves without comment on the other's rant.
It's nights like these, on the weekend, late, once everyone's asleep and I'm on my own, that the feeling of abandonment really kicks in.
Well, it's more of a loneliness, cuz I never had anyone to abandon me in the first place.
But I don't know why these feelings have suddenly come on, cuz it's always been this way.
I don't like it, though. I don't like feeling like I'm just drowning in alone-ness. I hate feeling so completely and utterly by myself.
Seriously, I need to get back to writing. And reading. I think that's what was keeping me company before. But what with all this schoolwork and the sudden making-of-an-imdb account, it's all changed.
Now I'm reminded more than ever of why I've made reading my life. It's because book characters never leave or turn on you. And I've made the characters in my stories my constant companions because they're mine and they'll never turn away either. They're solely my creation and no one else can get to them and take them from me.
Words and stories are one of the few constants in my life, if not the only ones. And I won't let myself lose them.
So I think I'll be taking a break from imdb and chatzy. I know what it's like now, which is the only thing I ever really wanted. I'll probably even update LJ more often because I won't be busy doing that stuff. Who knows. Maybe I'll quit my virtual life altogether and just immerse myself in books and writing.
But that will probably take a while, so until then you'll be hearing from me.

Also, I just recently rediscovered this song I'm listening to. Stand in the Rain by Superchick. It got me through eighth grade, and I'd forgotten I had it on my iPod. If someone hasn't heard it, you need to. It makes me cry sometimes.

I hate all this silence. It makes my thoughts grow stronger and louder because I need something to create noise, even if it's just in my head.
I sound completely insane. Maybe I've gone mad.

So I've been arguing with this guy on imdb for the past two hours or so, and I called a truce, and so on, and now he has the nerve to say I'm ATTRACTED to him.
I'm seriously shaking with anger.
I called him an asshole but imdb beeped it out. Damn.
Some of you Shebams might know what I'm talking about.

EDIT: Argh! He looked at my LJ! Can you say CREEPY????
Thank God I have it on Friends-only. But he looked at my profile, and possibly pics.
I'm kinda feeling ashamed for posting my LJ on my imdb profile. They always say to be careful what information you give out online.
If anyone's wondering, this conversation didn't happen on the imdb boards, but it was AGATB-related.
I'm just annoyed now.

EDIT #2: Now I dread having to go and delete my pics, cuz I'll cringe at the thought of some stranger seeing my stupid-looking pics. Argh. I hate this guy, whoever he is. Probably some pedophile.

EDIT #3: So he apparently didn't see my pics, but found them on the WHO DO YOU LOOK LIKE thread.
Stupid me. I curse myself.
I wonder what impression I give off to people.
We're kinda talking about nonsense now. I refuse to give in, though.
But he says I'm still on cuz we're both stubborn and I'm procrastinating from doing homework.
SO NOT TRUE. Except for the stubborness part. I'll admit to that.
I'm holding a grudge about this forever. Even if I never talk to him again.
I also deleted the thread, cuz I don't want the shebams to see the ridiculous fight we had, which just kept going around in circles. It'd be embarrassing.